Upon Further Reflection

 When I quit my job, I was mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted.  I was a workaholic ("was" being used only because I'm not working anymore).  I worked to the point that I seriously didn't know what to do with myself when I was not working.  It's been 6 weeks since my last day.  And I have been out of town twice. I've discovered that I am NOT great with a lot of down time.  I can waste time like no one's business.  I have binge watched short videos, Netflix series, etc.   Sure, there are plenty of things I could do to keep myself busy but that is not my goal.   My goal is to not do shit that doesn't bring joy to my life.  Yup, first world problem. One thing I've realized is that I have to add some routine and structure to my days.  I did personal organizing for a couple of years for people.  It's fun doing other people's decluttering but my own, not so much.  I have to still go through the things from my parents' home that I c

What's in your heart?   I've been thinking about one of my favorite phrases recently - "Fake it until you feel it" In the past couple of weeks, I have had some people make hurtful comments.  Those comments have hurt my feelings, made me feel resentful and unappreciated.  I don't sit well with those types of feelings, never have.   It's quite simple - the grass on the side you water is the grass that grows.  I can find people to live in the negative with me and validate those feelings OR I can hop the fence to another side and nurture the feelings and the life where I sit well in my soul.  Not a tough choice. Grace, Gratitude & God Grace is undeserved, unearned, unmerited favor.   What a gift grace is.  It's an amazing, under recognized gift.   God shows grace.  No matter what you do, God shows grace.  When us mere mortals get outraged with criminal, immoral behavior or even  little grudges, God shows grace.  Shouldn't we strive to do the same?  I

  This quote. Albert Einstein?  Since then, many have claimed it as their quote - Tony Robinson, Henry Ford, etc. Change.  Change is positive because it's when you stop doing what is not working anymore.  It's accepting that you cannot change a situation that does not work anymore.  It's not failure.   Leaving something is a stage and there is a grief that goes with it because there is a loss.  It doesn't matter if it was a positive ending or a difficult ending - there is loss.  Now granted, some people fill it with gratitude and others bitterness.  The reality probably lays somewhere in the middle. I will share what I have learned in my first stage of transition - the cream rises to the top and the sludge sinks to the bottom.  You really see people's true inner self during transitions.  The cream is full of kindness, gratitude, love and genuine sincerity.  The cream is light and love.  It is the pillow for the cherry which comes later.  The sludge is the ego.  It&#

Over the past few months, I have spent some time on the concept of discernment.  Done right- it is exhausting.  Exhausting!  Exhausting. Remember that line in the movie, Yia Yia Sisterhood when Vivi says, " I take a problem and  chew  on it 'til all the  flavors  gone, and then stick it in my hair."  That.   My spiritual advisor said that discerning is like sifting.  You sift everything out until it's all sorted.  If you don't come out with a decision you start again, sometimes using a different filter to see what's left at the end. I digress.  I'm Catholic so the Holy Trinity is alive and well in my prayer life.  I see the Father as the authority figure, the all wise, all knowing, ride or die ( “Ride or Die:  The highest level of loyalty you’ll ever find in a person).  With my latest discerning issue, God and I are at odds.  I am asking for direction and answers and boy it's not coming through.  I pray, I beg - it's not pretty.  For me, Jesus is

  Welll....here's some things to think about....unless you could care less... Will Smith is a very popular actor. Will Smith talks about good behavior. Will Smith is a role model. And......forgive me for pointing it out in a racially charged climate. Will Smith is black. I absolutely believe and am fully aware of white privilege. I am firmly on board with this concept. As a white person, I don't feel it or understand it as deeply as I should/could but I am very open to it. I don't know what has happened to Will. I do think that given another moment in time, he would not have responded that way. I don't know what kind of abuse/words/taunting he was exposed to this past week/month/year. I don't know what happened within his family just today. I think his behavior was absolutely unacceptable. He could have stood up and "Yo Chris. That is not cool. Don't talk about my wife like that!" I would have respected that a lot more. I'm a direct perso

  Celebrating, Wondering Venting Until Further Notice, Celebrate Everything With A Little Bit of Salt Married to A Greek   These are my past blogs.     I had my 3 rd Act in jobs, fully unexpected.   I am retiring.   My last day is April 3 and I have an adventure on April 4.   The teen who I used to call El Nino while my husband’s family called him Little Prince is only with us a couple more years before he “launches” …..I’ve been feeling like I’m missing life so I’m leaving a job I loved and I’m launching.   But I have a lot to say.   I have a lot to unpack.   Anytime I am in grief or stess, I wake up between 3:15-4:30.   Today I woke up at 4:30 so hoping that inches closer to 6- OH wait…I went to sleep at 1:30.   Forget it…fake hope.   I don’t know what to call this blog.   The above are past moods.     “and even though” “season it well” “push the pause button”   I had one earlier but it left.   At my Book Club, it came to me – I need to